Celebrating the End of One Chapter, and the Beginning of Another

Flynn's "Why on earth are we taking selfies at 7am" face...

On this day two year ago, I completed 3 cycles of BEP chemo for a stage 1a, grade 3 immature teratoma (ovarian cancer).

Words can never convey how happy I was to be done with that chapter of my life. I had been through almost 3 months of the worst nausea, fatigue, and fear of the future you can imagine.

So of course, a celebration was in order for getting through it, right?

I remember that last day, and the same chemo nurse who had been there to administer the drugs to me that terrifying first day, asking me and Justin how we were going to celebrate.

Up to that point we had not talked of celebrating. We were in survival mode. As I knew I would still be sick for quite a while after that last day.

But I began to think about it. And after the nurse walked away, a place popped into my head. Bryson City, NC. The same town and cabin we had stayed at during our honey moon 2 years prior.

I told Justin about it, and said, I wanna go back.

And he said we would.

It took us almost 2 years later. And to be honest, it was a complete surprise when Justin came to me in July this year and asked if I wanted to know what my birthday present was. And then proceeded to tell me we were FINALLY going back to Bryson City. To stay in that little cabin called Acorn Bend.

And what a beautiful stay it was...



I could not help but think of how much has changed and how much has happened in our lives since that stay in April of 2013.

 The week we started our marriage.

We had gone through SOOO... much in those four years. Adjusting to marriage, a cancer battle, problems with depression, having a baby, and just LIFE.

Fontana Dam

Fontana Lake

It was the perfect way to not only celebrate the end of one chapter, but to rejoice in the beginning of another.

 








"May I never forget the good things HE has done for me."

Psalm 103:2

 

Have there been any exciting celebrations of the LORD's good work in your life? Whether they be a big bowl of ice cream or maybe a trip?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

My Rainbow After A Storm

For those of you that may be new this blog, two years ago this past June, after "trying" for over a year to become pregnant, I walked into a doctors office for a routine exam, and came out after being told I may have cancer.

Two weeks after that appointment, I had an operation done that confirmed I did have ovarian cancer, and one of my ovaries was removed, and 3 cycles of high dose BEP chemo was started immediately.

Praise the LORD, the cancer was found very early, and removed during the surgery. Chemo was administered to ensure the cells would not regrow back, as they tend to do in the type of cancer (grade 3 immature teratoma) I had.

And I am now cancer free.

To be told you have cancer is devastating. It is made out to be the worst thing that can happen to you in this society. Although I could think of much worse things to go through... ;)

But the most devastating thing for me was hearing how my chance of becoming a mommy was lessened.

I wanted for so long to become a mommy. It was something I prayed for daily.

And here I was being told I might not ever get that chance.

But...

Our GOD is greater. And HE had a much bigger plan.

Because statistics do not affect HIM in HIS work.

 

 

Seven months after the completion of my chemotherapy, I felt GOD's leading to take a pregnancy test.

And it was only by HIS leading that I did that day. I had given up ever taking one again for fear of disappointment.

And I will never forget that moment in time. Where two little pink lines showed up. On not one. Not two. But three tests.

I couldn't be too careful, could I? :D

Our GOD is great, and ever to be praised!

 

HE answered my prayer, in HIS perfect timing.

HE brought a rainbow after a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT storm.

And although this rainbow is a challenge to see some days...

 

 It is always there reminding me of the LORD's mercy and grace, and HIS great power.

 

^"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. "

1 Peter 5:10

What rainbow after a storm has the LORD brought you? What has that rainbow taught you about the LORD?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Blessings After Waiting

 

"Often blessings cannot be received unless we go through the trial of waiting."

 

Today, I feel thankful. And blessed beyond measure.

 

Why?

 

Because my back muscles have been TIRED all week, and at times, my hips feel like they are going to stretch apart.

 

Why is that something to be thankful for?

 

Because I know the cause of my tired back and sore hips.

 

I am becoming a mommy.

 

I can say that with all my heart, I LOVE every single ache and pain and tired moment in my day.

 

For at one point in my life, I was looking at the possibility of never getting to experience this miracle of pregnancy.

 

But our LORD is gracious, and has answered my many pleas.

 

I waited patiently for the LORD, and HE inclined unto me, and heard my cry. 

 

And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the Lord.

 

Many, O Lord my God, are thy wonderful works which thou hast done, and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered.

 Psalm 40: 1, 3, 5

 

What are you thanking the LORD for today? Has HE answered any prayers, big or little, that you want to give HIM praise about?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

Healing

 Right now I am sitting in my favorite chair, a warm, tall cup of liquid happiness is sitting beside me, and the sound of my hubby vacuuming out the two inches of dust that settled into my Jeep after a day riding trails with the doors off, is filling the air.

 

I feel blessed today. And happy. And content.

 

 

I am not going to lie, that has not been the case over the past month or so. I have been in such a funk mentally, it is not even funny.

 

Life has been very good. I am physically healthy. I lift weights daily, have very high energy levels most days, and hey! I even ran my first ever 5K two weeks ago.

 

I was even blessed to spend a weekend away with my hubby, at a gorgeous little B&B.

 

 

So why have I been in a funky mood?

 

Worry. Fear. And discontentment have plagued me.

 

 

I have been so worried and afraid of my cancer coming back (even after being told by the doctor, I am clear, and healthy, and have very a small chance of recurrence) to the point of making myself feel ill, and making others miserable around me.

 

Cancer took a lot out of me mentally. It took away my peace of mind, and days of not worrying about the future.

 

 

About two weeks ago, I broke down for about two days. Crying, and worrying, and even bitter anger erupted from me.

 

And I came to a realization. I needed healing.

 

 

I so desperately wanted my life to get back to normal after treatment ended last year, that I suppressed those feelings, and hid them away, until they just spilled over during an angry rage while exercising. (pretty sure anyone who drove by during that walk thought I had lost my mind with how I was waving my arms, yelling, and crying...)

 

 

I never gave myself a time of mourning. A time to miss what my illness brought and took away.

And for me that was wrong.

 

"When there is a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won't be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when later happens, it will hurt even more, because when later happens, you won't know what you're bleeding for. Remain with it until it clears, and watch the beauty pour into your openness. Remain open to feel lightness. Remain open to feel free." ~ Victoria Erickson

 

I should have allowed myself to cry over those losses. To mourn. To let GOD step in and heal my broken heart. Maybe if I had, the past few months would not have been so emotionally tumultuous.

 

 

GOD has been showing me it is okay to feel sad and even mourn what has been taken away from you in life. Our responsibility though is how we react to such losses.

 

"It's not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it." ~C.S. Lewis

 

While I am by no means healed mentally from this disease, and it's gains and losses, I am feeling better about it.

 

 

I have even been transferring my nervous energy into making quilts for friends that are having babies, and for those in my church that have recently lost loved ones.

 

 

I am not 100 percent there, by any means. But GOD is at work, and I am doing MUCH better.

 

After you season of suffering, GOD in all HIS grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

 









Have you ever hidden a pain in your life to the point where it suddenly erupted and surprised you? How has GOD been helping you heal that pain?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thank for stopping by!

Angel

Rejoice With Them That Rejoice

I noticed something the first time I posted a picture of me on Facebook with a head scarf, following the loss of my hair during chemo. People kept commenting and telling me I was beautiful.

While that made me feel a bit better about my appearance, I was also somewhat baffled.

Why?

Because out of all the times I would post pictures of me before, I might recall only one time being called beautiful.

And here I was getting comment, after comment, being told I was beautiful.

Now don't think I am upset at not being called beautiful before. Or want to be called that now.

Because truth be told, I get really uncomfortable and feel all awkward when receiving a compliment of any kind. And lately I wish I could go back to the day where I was barely seen, complimented and blended into the background.

But it has set me to thinking.

A lot of the time we don't compliment one another until something goes wrong, or someone feels down and out.

That is a good thing to do. We are commanded in Scripture to mourn with those that mourn, and to uplift them.

But we are also commanded to rejoice with those that rejoice.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Romans 12:15

 



If we are obeying Scripture fully, we will compliment and uplift, and rejoice with those that are going through good times in life!

Not wait until their world is crashing down around them.

We should use any moment or opportunity possible to build up our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Good times and bad.

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

1 Corinthians 12:26

 
A lesson I am learning myself.

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Do Not Lose Heart

 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to GOD.

Philippians 4:6

 

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge HIM, and HE will make your paths straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6

 

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Isaiah 55:8-9

 

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

 



Rejoice In the LORD

   

⁴ Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

⁵ Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

⁶ Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

⁷ And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

⁸ Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

⁹ Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

¹⁰ But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.

¹¹ Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

¹² I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

¹³ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 

Philippians 4:4-12

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

How To Draw Closer to GOD

 

Trust In God's Timing.

 

Rely On HIS Promises.

 

Wait For HIS Answers.

 

Believe In HIS Miracles.

 

Rejoice in HIS Goodness.

 

Relax in HIS Presence.

 

Draw Closer to GOD, and HE will draw closer to you.

James 4:8

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel



By HIS Grace, I Am Enough

 

There seems to be a common topic going around the blogosphere of late. The topic of feeling as if you are not enough, coming to the point where you realize on your own you are not enough, and discovering that by GOD's grace, and in HIS eyes, you are enough for HIM.

I am not going lie. The feeling of not being enough, whether it be for GOD, my husband, peers, it's plagued me my ENTIRE life.

I'm shy, and introverted. Always have been.

As a child and then a teenager, that caused me to be a target of emotionally, gut wrenching, verbal bullying.

No matter how hard I tried, I was never fully accepted for who I was. And the older I got, the searing pain and fear of rejection, caused me to retreat ever deeper into my shell.

But, praise GOD! HE has healed those injuries.

Unfortunately though, that sort of pain has left some pretty deep scars. And to this very day, I struggle with opening up with others, trusting them, and sharing the person GOD created me to be.

At times I have found myself longing to be accepted so much, that I will not express who GOD has created me to be. Who HE is training for a special purpose in life, that only HE knows about.

I lose my voice. I restrict showing how HIS spirit is working. And that stifles that great work.

That great work of being fearfully and wonderfully made in HIS eyes. The one whom HE has made me to be.

The 24 year old, sinner, that is oh so thankful to be saved by grace.

The one who fails her LORD and Savior miserably on a daily basis, and is blown away by HIS never ending mercy and forgiveness.

The one that has undergone so many trials, and by HIS grace alone, has for the most part become reliant on HIM alone.

The young woman that loves hunting, and getting her jeep muddy.

The girl that has a passion for weight lifting, running, herbal healing and eating healthy, but ain't gonna hesitate scarfing down chocolate cheesecake.

The worrier, the bossiest ever, laugh way too loud at ridiculous things, and cry at the drop of a hat kind of person.

The wife who feels as if she loves her husband too much at times, and desperately longs to be a mother.

And how wrong it is to hide whom GOD created, and is creating me to be.

I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. Psalm 139:14

By GOD's saving grace, I am enough.

By that grace, and HIS never ending strength, I will overcome the fear of not being enough, and the sin of hiding who HE has created me to be.

Is the LORD teaching you that you are enough for HIM? Have you ever had to overcome the pain and fear of rejection? What encouragement did the LORD bring into your life?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

P.S. The post by Arabah Joy, titled "Dear Underdog, How to Be On Top" heavily inspired these thoughts. As well as...

 

"Snippets Of Grace", from This Journey of Grace

 

and

 

"Following GOD as Dear Children//Coffee Series", from Authentic Virtue



Learning To Trust, If I'm Not Meant To Be A Mommy

I'm sitting here in my favorite computer nook of my house, wrapped in a blanket, with an outstanding cup of coffee sitting beside me. I look outside the window, and I see my birdfeeder hanging, and several birds flitting back and forth to it, even with a light rain beginning to fall.

My workout for the day is done, laundry is caught up, 1 batch of laundry detergent has been made, the house cleaned, Bible reading is in, and 3 chapters in "Babies First Bites and Beyond" is done.

I've been reading quite a bit on parenting, child care, and pregnancy of late. Which is nothing really unusual for me. I was reading every book on the subject I could get my hands on before I was even in a courtship. :D

With rainy days, come contemplative days. And I can not help but wonder today, will the LORD bless Justin and I with children? And if not, can I be content in that fact?

I am going to be open and honest on here with ya'll. I hope you don't mind that. ;) I just feel like getting some thoughts out in the open air, to help clear the mind. Any who...

Before Justin and I were married, we talked about whether or not were going to use a natural means  of birth control (Fertility Awareness Method, I am FIRMLY against the pill, with it's abortive, and hormonal effects).

We decided that we would. I'm not sure we had a great reason to or not. We just wanted to spend a year, getting to know one another better, before children. ( I am not saying children will cause a strain on a new marriage. I've known several couples become pregnant with months of being married, and they praised the fact it brought them closer together as a couple. I'm also not saying everyone should avoid pregnancy for a year, or more. This is just what we felt led to do in our lives )

Our one-year anniversary came in April of 2014, and we talked about whether we would stop trying to avoid a pregnancy or not. At that point Justin said he was ready to be a daddy. But I did not feel as if I was ready to be a mommy.

I was going through some health issues, and I was trying to resolve them through natural means (herbs, nutrition, etc.) Physically, I did not feel I was ready to become pregnant.

Justin was fine with that, and with his AMAZINLY patient self, said it was fine with him to wait until I felt ready.

By October, I was feeling as if my health was returning, and I caught baby fever.

When my cycle started that November, I asked Justin if he was still ready to be a daddy, and he responded with are you ready to be a mommy.. I said I was ready, and we stopped "avoiding".

I will admit I was terrified those days that led up to that first period. I just "knew" I was pregnant.

But, as GOD would have it, I was not.

And so it has been for my last 3 cycles.

I'm not worried about not being able to get pregnant at this point. I am however, in awe at the fact that, as a friend put it one time, sex doesn't mean a baby.

It is only GOD's hand at work in your body, when you and your husband are expressing love toward another, is what makes a baby.

Will I become pregnant as time goes on? I don't know.

Maybe GOD has other plans for mine and Justin's lives.

Would I be joyful if HE did not see fit to bless us? I'd like to say yes, but I know it would be hard.

I'm not saying it would be impossible to be okay with that. GOD has brought me through so many trials in my life. There are countless times I have made plans for the future, to have GOD show me that HE has something different in mind.

Giving up hearts desires are just plain hard. But, in the end, we can rest in the knowledge HE is in control of our lives, and only wants what is best for us.

 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Jeremiah 29:11

I fully trust the LORD with this aspect of my life. I just pray that if the LORD does not have children in my future, I will be able to trust in HIS grace, and wisdom.

What is the LORD teaching you to trust HIM about?

Have a wonderfully blessed day! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Trash the Dress and Christ's Return?

Justin and I have been talking about getting some pictures taken of us, for several months now. We were not able to have engagement pictures done, or even really pretty bridal photos. We were blessed to have a friend of the family to take our wedding photos, completely free. I love those photos dearly. But I've always wanted some really sweet, kinda romantic photos of us in our wedding garb.

 

So, we decided to book a "Trash the Dress" beach photo session. And oh, how glad I am that we did...

 

 

We scheduled the photos originally on the 19th of September. But as fate has it, the weather was awful that day. High winds and clouds don't make great photography. So we rescheduled for the following Tuesday. But that day turned out to be rainy. Again we rescheduled for Friday, only to have to try again Saturday, because of more rain.

 

Finally there was a break Saturday, and we could finally get the show on the road...



It was quite funny though that entire week, having to be ready at any moment, for the weather to be just right. 

I rode around in my Jeep all week, with my wedding dress in the back, and Justin's shirt, pants, and tie...

There was one day, where I was feeling quite impatient towards the weather, and worked myself into a tizzy, wanting to get the photos done and over with...

Then a thought came to me. Rather, a passage of scripture, from Matthew 25...

 

25 Then shall the kingdom of heaven be likened unto ten virgins, which took their lamps, and went forth to meet the bridegroom.

² And five of them were wise, and five were foolish.

³ They that were foolish took their lamps, and took no oil with them:

⁴ But the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

⁵ While the bridegroom tarried, they all slumbered and slept.

⁶ And at midnight there was a cry made, Behold, the bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.

⁷ Then all those virgins arose, and trimmed their lamps.

⁸ And the foolish said unto the wise, Give us of your oil; for our lamps are gone out.

⁹ But the wise answered, saying, Not so; lest there be not enough for us and you: but go ye rather to them that sell, and buy for yourselves.

¹⁰ And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came; and they that were ready went in with him to the marriage: and the door was shut.

¹¹ Afterward came also the other virgins, saying, Lord, Lord, open to us.

¹² But he answered and said, Verily I say unto you, I know you not.

¹³ Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.



And I was convicted...

Am I living my life daily, watching , waiting, and being prepared for the day that my LORD and Savior will return for me?



Am I daily living for HIM, sharing HIS gospel?

Am I daily praising HIM?

Am I showing my love for HIM?

Am I just as ready, and willing to leave with HIM if HE called me home, as I am for a little photo shoot?

It's sad to say, but it took a photo shoot, to drive the concept of being ready for Christ's return, at ANY moment...

But that is how the LORD works sometimes. He uses daily life experiences, to show us HIS word, and clear path for our lives...



 Therefore be ye also ready: for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh. Mathew 24:44



The lord of that servant shall come in a day when he looketh not for him, and in an hour that he is not aware of. Matthew 24:50

Praise the LORD for HIS everlasting patience in my faults!

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

P.S. In case you were wondering, my dress in perfectly fine. I took it to be cleaned and preserved, and the lady asked if I had even worn it. I told her I had actually done a trash the dress session at the beach. She said she is going to tell her brides to start doing that before bringing them in to be cleaned! :D

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