Of Being Told I Might Have Cancer

What would you do, if you went to your doctor, and after some testing, they told you might have cancer?

I know what I did.

I cried.

My dear friends, I am facing what might be the most terrifying storm of my life. Let me share.

If you have been reading this blog since at least the beginning of the year, you know that a New Year's goal I set was to find a naturally minded doctor. Someone that would listen to the concerns I have about my health, and not just write it off, and give me pill. I wanted someone to help me look at the problem as a whole, and possibly treat any problems with natural means.

About 2 weeks ago, after quite a bit of research, I found the name of a gynecologist, and really liked the reviews of her. I called to schedule an appointment, and the soonest I was able to be seen was this past Friday.

I made a list of all the questions and concerns I have had over the past year or so. Primarily dealing with not becoming pregnant easily, and concerns over thyroid health. I wanted to be ready, and hopefully get some answers.

Friday came, and I was feeling pretty optimistic. I walked into the office, signed in, and waited to be taken back.

My name was called and the nurse took my vitals. I was ushered to a room, and quietly waited for the doctor to come in.

She came in, we were introduced, and she asked questions about family history, etc.

She then asked if I had any concerns. I shared my list, and she gave her advice. She ordered a full thyroid panel to be taken, after hearing some symptoms I have been experiencing, and she then moved to the physical exam.

She came to the pelvic exam portion of the visit, and asked when I had last taken a pregnancy test. I told her the day before my period. She said my uterus felt enlarged, as if I was pregnant.

I told her the test was negative, and my period was very normal that month.

She then named off a few possibilities, but wanted an ultrasound done that day.

I was unable to be scheduled in for an ultrasound that day. So, I had to wait until Monday at 11:15.

Never has a weekend lasted that long.

You think of all sorts of possibilities when you are to told to wait and see what is wrong with your body.

Not only that, when it is something involving reproductive organs, you begin to think your dream of becoming a mother, will be snatched away from you.

My appointment came Monday. I was so blessed to have my mom and sister with me.

The ultrasound was done, and once again I had to wait for the doctor to get the results.

But not long.

The doctor called, and asked if I could come in that afternoon. And I did.

Sitting in the waiting room, waiting, and praying, I tried to remain optimistic. But it was becoming very difficult.

I was ushered to the room, and once again, waited for the doctor to come in.

She walked in, and the look on her face, and tone in her voice made my heart sink to the floor.

She asked if I was told anything at the ultrasound appointment, and I said no.

She then goes on to say, well, it was not your uterus that was enlarged, and she paused.

You have a baseball to softball size mass on your right ovary.

What she was saying did not sink in immediately. It did not seem real.

She then began to explain that the reason she thought it was my uterus is that the mass is so large, it has pushed my uterus and other organs back.

She then told me my only option is to have the ovary removed.

She explained that it would be best to have it removed via surgery, whether it is cancerous or not. It is just so large, it could rupture, and cause other issues.

I will not find out whether it is cancerous or not, until after the surgery.

During the surgery, the doctors will be able to test the mass immediately and determine if it is cancerous. If it is cancerous, they will immediately do a lymph node dissection, to ensure it has not spread.

There is a glimmer of hope in all this.

I have two aunts that had to have their ovaries removed, when they were my age, due to the same conditions. Their growths were not cancerous.

The doctor was relieved upon hearing this. She said this could just be a genetic issue, and nothing to worry about.

But right now, I am worried. No, I am terrified.

My life seems so dream like right now. Just like when I have nightmares. I want to wake up, as I have done so may times before to hear my husband comforting me, and his arms around me, saying it's okay, it's okay.

But it's not okay right now.

I have been sobbing off and on. And while my husband has been holding me and telling me it's okay, I am still terrified.

Will you pray for me?

I need prayers for comfort, grace, and peace.

I know GOD has a plan and a purpose in all of this. And HE will work out everything to HIS honor and glory.

Lord I need You, when the sea of life is calm

O Lord I need you when the wind is blowing strong

Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees

Lord I need You, Lord I need You

Sometimes when life seems gentle and blessings flood my way,

I turn my gaze away from you, and soon forget to pray

But when the sky grows darker and courage turns to fear

My anxious voice cries upward with words You long to hear

 

Lord I need You, when the sea of life is calm

O Lord I need you when the wind is blowing strong

Whether trials come or cease, keep me always on my knees

Lord I need You, Lord I need You

Lord help me to remember, I’m weak but You are strong

I cannot sing apart from You, for Lord You are my song

Although I’m prone to wander and boast in all I do

Lord keep my eyes turned upward, so I depend on You

Angel