What To Say and Not To Say To Someone Diagnosed With Cancer

In July of 2015, I went into a doctors office to have an annual gynecological exam. That exam ended with me in tears.

During a pelvic exam, the doctor felt a mass inside, sent me for an ultrasound, revealing the mass was a tumor on my left ovary.

I was sent to a gynecological oncologist, a surgery was set, performed, and I was diagnosed with stage 1a, Grade 3 immature teratoma. A very rare form of ovarian cancer.

And my life was forever changed.

During my cancer battle, I had to hear A LOT of opinions from everyone around me. Some of those thoughts were helpful. Others not so much.

And I vowed that once I had the opportunity, I wanted to share what words or actions I found helpful. And to share what was not, so anyone that is around someone that is facing cancer will know how to help and bless that person.

I will start with what you should do to someone battling cancer.

DO Say You Are Praying For Them
I was pretty open with my cancer battle. And that came with pros and cons. But the biggest pro was the support that came in the form of prayer. I can never express enough gratitude to those that took the time to lift me before our Father, and to those that told me they did so. There was no greater form of encouragement.

DO Acts of Kindness
I had so many people bless me in my journey, with many acts of kindness. I had one person that I met through blogging send me the sweetest package of chocolate, bath sitz, a scarf for my soon to be bald head, and a pretty lace cover to go underneath to help keep the scarf from slipping.

Others sent cards regularly. And some gifted coloring books. Which were amazing to occupy myself with while in the chemo chair for 6 hours a day.

I also had a special family that at the end of each round of chemo, they would come and decorate my front porch with a balloon, a Bible verse, and pretty banner.

Another act was bringing us food. While I did not have an appetite, Justin did, and it was such a relief to know he was taken care of, and we did not have to worry about cooking.

DO Continue To Ask them How They Are Doing LONG after Chemo
Cancer is not just a physical battle. Its a mental one. And the scars will last long past the end of chemo. Four years later, and the memory of the battle is still in my mind, and I am easily triggered by the memories of those days.

DO NOT Assume They Are Dying
Yes. Cancer kills. And had it not been caught, I would probably be dead by now. But praise the LORD, we live in a day and age where new treatments and advances are being made in treatment. And more people are living. With that being said please don't say to someone, "I was hoping to see you grow old...". Yes. Someone said that straight to my face after hearing the news.

DO NOT Talk About Someone You Know That Died of Cancer
Someone that is newly diagnosed is VERY aware of their mortality. And we want to fight with hope. Hearing about someone who has died does nothing to us but cause anxiety about our own state.

DO NOT Look At Them Like They Drank A Bottle of Roundup
Not long after treatment ended, and before my hair grew back, I made a meal for a family. The woman came up to me later and said she was surprised I made such a healthy meal for them. And proceded to ask if I eat healthy now because of cancer. I shared to her I had been eating very healthy for years before my diagnosis. I had even completed a second WHOLE30, two weeks before diagnosis. She had pure shock on her face, and asked what did cause my cancer then.

Most cancer casues are unknown. And the type I was diagnosed with is one of those. Don't assume because someone gets cancer its because of something they did. Because cancer just happens sometimes, and even the healthiest can get it.

DO NOT Compare Treatment or Offer Healing Advice
And I would have to say this might be the biggest piece of advice.

So many people would ask about my treatment and offer so much useless and pointless advice.

Cancer is different for everyone. And it comes in many different subtypes. My subtype called for one type of chemotherapy regimen. The regimine I was on was different from what another woman I know that has another subtype of ovarian cancer.

And along the lines of offering treatment "advice", don't talk to someone with cancer, about any type of "natural" treatment for cancer. Unless you have solid medical research behind you.

I have always been a more natural medicine type of person. I believe in food being your medicine. Admitting that I needed, more than an herbal remedy to heal my body required a huge slice of humble pie. I did not need to have multiple people, with NO medical background come back to me and say I just needed to eat some special berry seen on Facebook (true story) or eat a raw vegan diet to cure myself. Those types of comments cause nothing but more mental distress.

Unless you have been in that situation, you do not know the mental anxiety hearing the words you have cancer creates. You go into survival mode. And you are going to do anything in your power to survive.

And Above All Else...
Just treat them with kindness. Treat them as you would any other human being in your life. Yes they may have a scary disease that takes a lot of their time and energy. But they are still the same person they were before diagnosis. A more tired and scarred version. But still the same. Remind them of that. Invite them on outings you know they would enjoy. Spend time talking about non cancer things.

Be patient, and don't leave them fighting alone.

Have you ever been diagnosed with cancer? What are some helpful insights you can offer those not in the fight?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Celebrating the End of One Chapter, and the Beginning of Another

Flynn's "Why on earth are we taking selfies at 7am" face...

On this day two year ago, I completed 3 cycles of BEP chemo for a stage 1a, grade 3 immature teratoma (ovarian cancer).

Words can never convey how happy I was to be done with that chapter of my life. I had been through almost 3 months of the worst nausea, fatigue, and fear of the future you can imagine.

So of course, a celebration was in order for getting through it, right?

I remember that last day, and the same chemo nurse who had been there to administer the drugs to me that terrifying first day, asking me and Justin how we were going to celebrate.

Up to that point we had not talked of celebrating. We were in survival mode. As I knew I would still be sick for quite a while after that last day.

But I began to think about it. And after the nurse walked away, a place popped into my head. Bryson City, NC. The same town and cabin we had stayed at during our honey moon 2 years prior.

I told Justin about it, and said, I wanna go back.

And he said we would.

It took us almost 2 years later. And to be honest, it was a complete surprise when Justin came to me in July this year and asked if I wanted to know what my birthday present was. And then proceeded to tell me we were FINALLY going back to Bryson City. To stay in that little cabin called Acorn Bend.

And what a beautiful stay it was...



I could not help but think of how much has changed and how much has happened in our lives since that stay in April of 2013.

 The week we started our marriage.

We had gone through SOOO... much in those four years. Adjusting to marriage, a cancer battle, problems with depression, having a baby, and just LIFE.

Fontana Dam

Fontana Lake

It was the perfect way to not only celebrate the end of one chapter, but to rejoice in the beginning of another.

 








"May I never forget the good things HE has done for me."

Psalm 103:2

 

Have there been any exciting celebrations of the LORD's good work in your life? Whether they be a big bowl of ice cream or maybe a trip?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

My Rainbow After A Storm

For those of you that may be new this blog, two years ago this past June, after "trying" for over a year to become pregnant, I walked into a doctors office for a routine exam, and came out after being told I may have cancer.

Two weeks after that appointment, I had an operation done that confirmed I did have ovarian cancer, and one of my ovaries was removed, and 3 cycles of high dose BEP chemo was started immediately.

Praise the LORD, the cancer was found very early, and removed during the surgery. Chemo was administered to ensure the cells would not regrow back, as they tend to do in the type of cancer (grade 3 immature teratoma) I had.

And I am now cancer free.

To be told you have cancer is devastating. It is made out to be the worst thing that can happen to you in this society. Although I could think of much worse things to go through... ;)

But the most devastating thing for me was hearing how my chance of becoming a mommy was lessened.

I wanted for so long to become a mommy. It was something I prayed for daily.

And here I was being told I might not ever get that chance.

But...

Our GOD is greater. And HE had a much bigger plan.

Because statistics do not affect HIM in HIS work.

 

 

Seven months after the completion of my chemotherapy, I felt GOD's leading to take a pregnancy test.

And it was only by HIS leading that I did that day. I had given up ever taking one again for fear of disappointment.

And I will never forget that moment in time. Where two little pink lines showed up. On not one. Not two. But three tests.

I couldn't be too careful, could I? :D

Our GOD is great, and ever to be praised!

 

HE answered my prayer, in HIS perfect timing.

HE brought a rainbow after a VERY LONG, DIFFICULT storm.

And although this rainbow is a challenge to see some days...

 

 It is always there reminding me of the LORD's mercy and grace, and HIS great power.

 

^"And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. "

1 Peter 5:10

What rainbow after a storm has the LORD brought you? What has that rainbow taught you about the LORD?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

Healing

 Right now I am sitting in my favorite chair, a warm, tall cup of liquid happiness is sitting beside me, and the sound of my hubby vacuuming out the two inches of dust that settled into my Jeep after a day riding trails with the doors off, is filling the air.

 

I feel blessed today. And happy. And content.

 

 

I am not going to lie, that has not been the case over the past month or so. I have been in such a funk mentally, it is not even funny.

 

Life has been very good. I am physically healthy. I lift weights daily, have very high energy levels most days, and hey! I even ran my first ever 5K two weeks ago.

 

I was even blessed to spend a weekend away with my hubby, at a gorgeous little B&B.

 

 

So why have I been in a funky mood?

 

Worry. Fear. And discontentment have plagued me.

 

 

I have been so worried and afraid of my cancer coming back (even after being told by the doctor, I am clear, and healthy, and have very a small chance of recurrence) to the point of making myself feel ill, and making others miserable around me.

 

Cancer took a lot out of me mentally. It took away my peace of mind, and days of not worrying about the future.

 

 

About two weeks ago, I broke down for about two days. Crying, and worrying, and even bitter anger erupted from me.

 

And I came to a realization. I needed healing.

 

 

I so desperately wanted my life to get back to normal after treatment ended last year, that I suppressed those feelings, and hid them away, until they just spilled over during an angry rage while exercising. (pretty sure anyone who drove by during that walk thought I had lost my mind with how I was waving my arms, yelling, and crying...)

 

 

I never gave myself a time of mourning. A time to miss what my illness brought and took away.

And for me that was wrong.

 

"When there is a fresh wound in your heart, keep it open until it heals. Air it out. Understand it. Dive into it. Be fierce enough to become it. If you ignore it, it won't be able to breath. If you ignore it, it will merely deepen, spread, and resurface later, wanting to release. And when later happens, it will hurt even more, because when later happens, you won't know what you're bleeding for. Remain with it until it clears, and watch the beauty pour into your openness. Remain open to feel lightness. Remain open to feel free." ~ Victoria Erickson

 

I should have allowed myself to cry over those losses. To mourn. To let GOD step in and heal my broken heart. Maybe if I had, the past few months would not have been so emotionally tumultuous.

 

 

GOD has been showing me it is okay to feel sad and even mourn what has been taken away from you in life. Our responsibility though is how we react to such losses.

 

"It's not the load that breaks you down. It's the way you carry it." ~C.S. Lewis

 

While I am by no means healed mentally from this disease, and it's gains and losses, I am feeling better about it.

 

 

I have even been transferring my nervous energy into making quilts for friends that are having babies, and for those in my church that have recently lost loved ones.

 

 

I am not 100 percent there, by any means. But GOD is at work, and I am doing MUCH better.

 

After you season of suffering, GOD in all HIS grace will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

 









Have you ever hidden a pain in your life to the point where it suddenly erupted and surprised you? How has GOD been helping you heal that pain?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thank for stopping by!

Angel

Rejoice With Them That Rejoice

I noticed something the first time I posted a picture of me on Facebook with a head scarf, following the loss of my hair during chemo. People kept commenting and telling me I was beautiful.

While that made me feel a bit better about my appearance, I was also somewhat baffled.

Why?

Because out of all the times I would post pictures of me before, I might recall only one time being called beautiful.

And here I was getting comment, after comment, being told I was beautiful.

Now don't think I am upset at not being called beautiful before. Or want to be called that now.

Because truth be told, I get really uncomfortable and feel all awkward when receiving a compliment of any kind. And lately I wish I could go back to the day where I was barely seen, complimented and blended into the background.

But it has set me to thinking.

A lot of the time we don't compliment one another until something goes wrong, or someone feels down and out.

That is a good thing to do. We are commanded in Scripture to mourn with those that mourn, and to uplift them.

But we are also commanded to rejoice with those that rejoice.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Romans 12:15

 



If we are obeying Scripture fully, we will compliment and uplift, and rejoice with those that are going through good times in life!

Not wait until their world is crashing down around them.

We should use any moment or opportunity possible to build up our brothers and sisters in Christ.

Good times and bad.

And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.

1 Corinthians 12:26

 
A lesson I am learning myself.

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

By GOD's Grace, I Was Ready

I recently dropped off a meal for a visiting evangelist and his family, at our church. I made one of our favorite meals of Caprese Lasagna, and a side salad. I made sure they had a variety of dressings to go with the salad, all of which were organic.

Later on that evening, the evangelists wife came up to me and thanked me for the meal,asked how I was doing, and even asked questions about my cancer story. She then went onto to ask if having cancer was the reason I eat organic and natural. I told her that actually, I had been eating that way for almost two years.

She was kind of surprised, and went on to share how she has gradually begun to incorporate more natural ways of living with her family. She even shared how they were trying to reduce sugar consumption, as sugar as been linked to cancer. And then she asked how much sugar I consumed.

I shared that since the beginning of this year, I have tried very hard to limit my sugar intake, and even did a Whole30 to help with it. I also shared how important good nutrition has been to me over this past year.

Amazed, she then asked a question, that has crossed my brain a number of times these past few months, "Did my cutting back on sugar, and doing a Whole30, limit the growth of my cancer?"

Friends, I don't know if cutting back on sugar, or eating organic really did stunt the growth of my cancer. I think it is a possibility.

What I do know is that over the past few years, I have felt the LORD's leading to eat in as natural way as possible, and to learn all I can about nutrition.

I've talked about that here before. Remember this post where I talked about having your body ready and healthy for anything the LORD leads you to do?

I thought I was prepping my body for pregnancy. That is the path I "thought" the LORD was leading me to. Having my body ready to grow a healthy human being, with minimal complications.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was really learning and getting my body ready for a test MUCH bigger than pregnancy. Cancer.

I do believe, without a shadow of a doubt, GOD's great mercy and grace, pressed upon my heart, to learn all that I could about nutrition and good health, so I could face cancer, and use all that knowledge, to make that journey smoother.

On your very first day of chemo, a nutritionist meets with you to offer nutritional advice. Every single word she told me, was info I already knew!

By GOD's grace, I did not have to spend those awful feeling days learning, and trying to figure out what was best for my body. I already knew!

I knew what foods I needed to consume to replace vitamin stores, and how much protein to aim for every day.

And I was ridiculously excited over putting my knowledge to good use. :D

So my dear friends, my message is the same. Try and have your body ready for ANYTHING the LORD may call you to do. You truly never know what that may be. :)

Has the LORD ever pressed something upon your heart to learn, and then you saw later on down the road why?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel

GOD's Goodness and Great News

Good day friends and family! I pray that you are all having a wonderfully blessed day in our LORD! The sun has been shining beautifully all day, and the temps have been in the lower 80's. PERFECT for this gal. :D

 

So how have you dear folks been? I have been doing very well. GOD has been so good! And I have been blessed with boat loads of energy upon finishing chemo in September. As a matter of fact, I think I feel more physically better than before my surgery. Praise GOD for that. :D

 

So what has life looked like since the end of chemo? A lot more on the calm and normal side. Daily housework, cooking, crafting, and spending time with family, and these girls...

 

 

Who have been very generous in their egg giving. With 5 eggs a day, we are currently swimming in them...



 

I had my first cup of regular coffee last week. I avoided regular coffee during chemo as it can cause dehydration, and works out the liver even more. Boy, was that caffeine kick nice! :D

 

 

I have also been enjoying a normal appetite. Although it has been a weird feeling to go from getting sick at the though of food, to wanting to eat everything in sight! :D So I am trying to replenish my body with all the nutrients it has been lacking in the last few months. I found this at Whole Foods last week, and have LOVED every crunchy, nutrient dense bite. :)

 

 

With the appetite I have, it's a good thing I am able to work out again. ;D I basically had to start over in my weight lifting (I was at 135 pounds in my deadlift prior to the surgery). You will never know how good it felt to lift that iron after 3 months of not touching them. Being sweaty never felt so good! :D

 

 

I recently discovered my favorite part of having no hair. No knots and tangles when riding with my Jeep top back. Oh yes.

 



I was able to go a road trip to West Virginia with my family (minus Justin) last weekend. It was such a blessing and joy to spend time enjoying some fall foliage... 

 

 

and some off roading with the Jeep.

 

Yes, GOD has been so good of late. So good, that on October 5th I was told there is no sign of cancer in my body...

 



Celebratory lunch at Outback with my love...

 

Yes my dear friends, GOD is good, ALL the time. :)

 



 

What goodness has been in your life of late?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel



On Having No Hair, And True Beauty

Loosing my hair to chemo, has been no easy thing for this gal to go through.

 

I remember the night Justin shaved my head, after it began to fall out. After days of it getting EVERYWHERE, we knew it had to come off. At that point, it was in our food, and he could not even give me kiss, without ending up with a mouthful.

 

I am not going to lie. I was sort of in a state of shock those first few days following the shave. I would go completely out of my way to avoid a mirror...

 

But as the days passed, I got over that shock, and even began to appreciate my new doo. I mean, I can be ready to go anywhere in 20 minutes. As opposed to how it took me 45 minutes before, with blow drying, and washing, and conditioning my locks.

 

I have even had the mindset, that GOD might have made it to where chemo patients lose their hair, so it's one less thing to have to worry and fuss with, while feeling AWFUL.

 

Now don't think I am perfect, and LOVE having no hair. Yes, I appreciate the ease of care. But, I really miss my hair. You don't really know how much you appreciate something, until it's gone.

 

 

With hair, your head does not go through major temperature shifts all day. It stays pretty even. Not freezing one second, and the moment you cover it feels like it's on fire... 

 

 

And you don't get stared at either. I avoid Wal-Mart like the plague because of how many times I have looked over to see someone flat out standing in the aisle, staring at me. I want to say hello, there are a lot more stare worthy sites in Wally World, than a chemo patient with a head covering...

 

Loosing your hair in chemo, is no easy thing for a lady to go through. And our culture makes it even more difficult, in the way that it upholds physical attributes, like hair, in what makes a woman beautiful.

 



 

 Loosing my hair, has made me take a step back. I have been reminded that it is the love of Christ shining through, and the striving to have a meek and quiet spirit, that makes a woman truly beautiful.

 

 

And that is the true beauty, I should be striving for.

 



Is there a difficulty in life, where GOD has gently had to remind you of known truth?

 

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!

Angel

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