What To Say and Not To Say To Someone Diagnosed With Cancer

In July of 2015, I went into a doctors office to have an annual gynecological exam. That exam ended with me in tears.

During a pelvic exam, the doctor felt a mass inside, sent me for an ultrasound, revealing the mass was a tumor on my left ovary.

I was sent to a gynecological oncologist, a surgery was set, performed, and I was diagnosed with stage 1a, Grade 3 immature teratoma. A very rare form of ovarian cancer.

And my life was forever changed.

During my cancer battle, I had to hear A LOT of opinions from everyone around me. Some of those thoughts were helpful. Others not so much.

And I vowed that once I had the opportunity, I wanted to share what words or actions I found helpful. And to share what was not, so anyone that is around someone that is facing cancer will know how to help and bless that person.

I will start with what you should do to someone battling cancer.

DO Say You Are Praying For Them
I was pretty open with my cancer battle. And that came with pros and cons. But the biggest pro was the support that came in the form of prayer. I can never express enough gratitude to those that took the time to lift me before our Father, and to those that told me they did so. There was no greater form of encouragement.

DO Acts of Kindness
I had so many people bless me in my journey, with many acts of kindness. I had one person that I met through blogging send me the sweetest package of chocolate, bath sitz, a scarf for my soon to be bald head, and a pretty lace cover to go underneath to help keep the scarf from slipping.

Others sent cards regularly. And some gifted coloring books. Which were amazing to occupy myself with while in the chemo chair for 6 hours a day.

I also had a special family that at the end of each round of chemo, they would come and decorate my front porch with a balloon, a Bible verse, and pretty banner.

Another act was bringing us food. While I did not have an appetite, Justin did, and it was such a relief to know he was taken care of, and we did not have to worry about cooking.

DO Continue To Ask them How They Are Doing LONG after Chemo
Cancer is not just a physical battle. Its a mental one. And the scars will last long past the end of chemo. Four years later, and the memory of the battle is still in my mind, and I am easily triggered by the memories of those days.

DO NOT Assume They Are Dying
Yes. Cancer kills. And had it not been caught, I would probably be dead by now. But praise the LORD, we live in a day and age where new treatments and advances are being made in treatment. And more people are living. With that being said please don't say to someone, "I was hoping to see you grow old...". Yes. Someone said that straight to my face after hearing the news.

DO NOT Talk About Someone You Know That Died of Cancer
Someone that is newly diagnosed is VERY aware of their mortality. And we want to fight with hope. Hearing about someone who has died does nothing to us but cause anxiety about our own state.

DO NOT Look At Them Like They Drank A Bottle of Roundup
Not long after treatment ended, and before my hair grew back, I made a meal for a family. The woman came up to me later and said she was surprised I made such a healthy meal for them. And proceded to ask if I eat healthy now because of cancer. I shared to her I had been eating very healthy for years before my diagnosis. I had even completed a second WHOLE30, two weeks before diagnosis. She had pure shock on her face, and asked what did cause my cancer then.

Most cancer casues are unknown. And the type I was diagnosed with is one of those. Don't assume because someone gets cancer its because of something they did. Because cancer just happens sometimes, and even the healthiest can get it.

DO NOT Compare Treatment or Offer Healing Advice
And I would have to say this might be the biggest piece of advice.

So many people would ask about my treatment and offer so much useless and pointless advice.

Cancer is different for everyone. And it comes in many different subtypes. My subtype called for one type of chemotherapy regimen. The regimine I was on was different from what another woman I know that has another subtype of ovarian cancer.

And along the lines of offering treatment "advice", don't talk to someone with cancer, about any type of "natural" treatment for cancer. Unless you have solid medical research behind you.

I have always been a more natural medicine type of person. I believe in food being your medicine. Admitting that I needed, more than an herbal remedy to heal my body required a huge slice of humble pie. I did not need to have multiple people, with NO medical background come back to me and say I just needed to eat some special berry seen on Facebook (true story) or eat a raw vegan diet to cure myself. Those types of comments cause nothing but more mental distress.

Unless you have been in that situation, you do not know the mental anxiety hearing the words you have cancer creates. You go into survival mode. And you are going to do anything in your power to survive.

And Above All Else...
Just treat them with kindness. Treat them as you would any other human being in your life. Yes they may have a scary disease that takes a lot of their time and energy. But they are still the same person they were before diagnosis. A more tired and scarred version. But still the same. Remind them of that. Invite them on outings you know they would enjoy. Spend time talking about non cancer things.

Be patient, and don't leave them fighting alone.

Have you ever been diagnosed with cancer? What are some helpful insights you can offer those not in the fight?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel