So Hard and Scary, But Much More Blessed

Right now I am sitting in my favorite comfy chair in my living room. I have a tall cup of hot coffee beside me, and I hear my hubby keeping our wee one occupied in the other end of the house.

So, long time no blog. I have not intended on taking such a long break in blogging. For I dearly love this little corner of the world, and had every intention of coming back to blogging regularly after things had settled down from our little Flynn's arrival.

But, truth be told, things have not settled down much since his arrival. In fact life has been more busy and unpredictable than ever. That's motherhood though.

Motherhood:

The busiest, scariest hood you will EVER walk through.

But one of the most blessed, sacred places you will ever get to visit.



Before you become a mother, you have so many dreams of what your days will look like. Or at least I did.

I pictured a mostly quiet little baby, sometimes fussy, but ready and eager to be worn in my sling all day, and me feeling blissfully happy all the time.

I envisioned me being able to keep my house spotless and all parts of my life well organized.

Yes, I knew it would be hard and not perfect all the time. But the kind of hard this has been, I could never picture.

I could not picture postpartum depression clouding the first 5 months, and it still haunting me.

I could not picture a baby with serious food allergies that have caused him to spend 90 percent (no exaggeration whatsoever) of his awake hours fussing and screaming from the discomfort of head to toe breakouts.

And with that me having to give up any form of wheat, dairy, eggs, soy, sesame seeds, almonds, and even my beloved peanut butter so I can continue to nurse him.

The past five months been a time of sacrificing and growing and learning and letting go of ALL my high expectations. It has been a time of adapting to all of the hard parts.

Including having to restart this post who knows how many times because my wee babe is not very content to chill on his own. ;)

And humility. Boy does your pride get knocked to the ground as a new mom...

Every idea of life with a baby I had, has had to be thrown out the window and into the wind. :)

And that has been hard for me. Especially since I tend to be the kind to hold tightly to my "dreams" and tend to become saddened when they do not turn out as I so longed for.

It has been a season of rearranging my priorities and hopes. And learning to cope better when it does get hard.

And I can finally say that the past few weeks have been better for me in that area.

Do I have a happy, joyful attitude when I look at that mountain of needed to be folded laundry that has been marinating on my couch for 4 days?

Ummm... Not quite always...

Am I to the point I can easily not get frustrated when I do have to stop trying to clean or blog or sew or attempt any sort of a creative endeavor after the billionth time my baby has woke up earlier than I hoped?

Not exactly.

Can I be calm when he has woke up EVERY hour from 12 am on.

You can ask my husband about that one... ;)

I do not know that I will ever come to the point of complete peace and calm with any of those all the time.

But I am learning more to lean on the LORD during those times I get so frustrated and tired. And accept that great grace HE bestows on us during our bad times.

Yes, it is sooo... hard and scary this motherhood thing.

But it is sooo... much more blessed.

And I can praise the LORD for that fact.

What has surprised you the most about motherhood?

Have a wonderfully blessed day everyone! Thanks for stopping by!
Angel